Every interaction with a donor sends a message. I’m talking about the messages that go beyond the ones written in the case statement or spoken in the ask. Donors don’t just hear our words — they read our actions, our timing and the thoughtfulness (or carelessness) behind them. Long after the details of a conversation fade, what lingers is how the organization made them feel. 

These four examples carry a different message — some of them unintended. Together, they illustrate a simple truth: In fundraising, what you do speaks louder than anything you say.

Invite Donors to Help Create the Work

This past summer, a small nonprofit launched a project to shift its culture of philanthropy, grow participation in the annual fund and increase major gifts. Operating on the principle that people support what they help to create, the organization brought the plan to the board and the newly formed development committee. Leadership talked about raising the philanthropic bar and asked for its input and help getting it off the ground. A few days after the meeting, one committee member self-solicited and made a new $10,000 gift. 

The message sent: You are a partner in this important and exciting work.

Build the Relationship Before the Ask

An old friend recently reached out, saying she’d be in our neighborhood and would love to catch up. When she sat down in our home, I realized this was more than a catch-up — it was a solicitation for the nonprofit she worked for. With no cultivation and no warmup, she asked for a significant gift. While she got in the door because of our relationship, she neglected to consider that we had not spoken in several years, and that we had no connection to the organization. The problem was not with her approaching me. It was that she went in for the kill before she set up for the shot. 

The message sent: I’m after your wallet.

Personalize Major-Gift Conversations 

At the start of the summer, a nonprofit solicited an invested stakeholder for a six-figure capital campaign gift. The organization considered how to make this donor feel special, valued and inspired to give while someone with a strong relationship made the ask. Knowing he was a devoted fan of a certain university and its sports teams, the solicitor arrived in a suit reflecting the school’s colors, complete with a matching fedora and a customized brochure in hand. The conservative projection for this donor was $100,000. The aggressive one was $500,000. Guess what he agreed to give? That’s right: $500,000. 

The message sent: Our organization knows you, and you matter.

Make Thank-Yous Timely and Specific 

I donated to a nonprofit in February 2025 and received a note thanking me for my partnership 18 months later, in August 2026. I didn’t feel like a partner. I felt like an afterthought.  

In fundraising, as in medicine, we strive to honor the Hippocratic Oath: Before anything else, do no harm. By the time the note arrived, I’d nearly forgotten the gift. Instead of rekindling goodwill, the organization simply reminded me how long it had taken them to say “thank you.” 

The message sent: You’re not a priority, and we don’t have our act together.

Act Like You Mean It 

Four donor engagements, four very different messages — and in every case, the message came through in what was done, not what was said. The committee member gave because she was treated as a co-creator. The friend’s ask fell flat because it did not honor the relationship. The donor who gave at the top of the range because he felt truly seen. And a well-meaning organization undermined its own message of gratitude with a note that arrived too late to mean anything. 

Donors are always listening — but they’re listening to our actions. The organizations that thrive are the ones whose actions say, consistently and unmistakably: You matter, and we’re grateful you’re with us. 

Originally published on NonProfit PRO.